This article was originally posted on December 22, 2006 at http://jarandhel.livejournal.com/
Seven years ago, almost exactly, I had a memory. It involved me as a female dragon. But it wasn’t very long, probably less than a minute, and with very little context. One of the few things I could make out was that I was definitely not alone… and the other person who was there felt familiar. Like a friend I knew in this life, who I knew had his own memories of a past life as a dragon. Eyovah.
I talked with him about it. It was around Christmas, I’m pretty sure. We walked around his family’s property (I was living there at the time), just him and I, talking about a lot of things. Memories. Friends. His website. He wouldn’t say whether or not he thought he remembered me from Krenar, all he’d say was “It’s possible.” He did tell me one thing, though: that the “Krenar” logo on his website is charged so that it can be used in meditation to help people uncover memories of that world if they had a past life there. I tried that, after his visit was over, and more times than I can recall in the intervening years. It’s honestly never really seemed to have an effect for me. At this point I’d pretty much given up on recovering memories of that life, and had almost forgotten about the initial memory again.
Then I did something I thought was innocent: I went to see Eragon with Duo.
I should state right away that the plot and characters bear absolutely no resemblance to Krenar or anything Eyovah and I discussed, or which I have subsequently recalled. That said, the visuals were some of the most stunning dragon-cgi I have ever seen done. I think that’s what triggered it, because as Duo and I were driving back to his house after the movie, I started feeling my dragon side like I never have before. And with it was coming memories, knowledge… even altered energetic perceptions. Way too much for me to grasp in its entirety. I’m still not sure what all is in there, I’m trying to sift through it now, and this post is the start of an effort to catalog the things I am remembering so that they are not lost again. That said, I’m not even sure where to begin…
I think I may go insane if I have to type up this post referring specifically to “Krenar Dragons” every step of the way, so I’m just going to talk about my dragon form with the understanding that everything I say with regard to it I currently believe refers to a draconic life on Krenar. I am open to evidence for or against this, that’s just my starting assumption as I begin this exploration.
I don’t think my dragon form is entirely physical. The sense I get is being able to shift form almost at will… I suspect that our true nature was energetic, and that our physical aspects represented the best translation of that energy into a physical form. I’m reminded, with this, of both Ally’s race (he’s always referred to his race as varying phenotypically more than most races, and I think I’m starting to get why that may be if they also are energy-based) and some of the “origin” stories of energetic elenari incarnating as physical elenari. Certain aspects of Lis’tarii language also intrigue me with a potential overlap that I’ll be getting to in a moment, that may also indicate a more fluid physical form than most and an underlying energetic nature.
I think I got something wrong in my interpretation of my original memory. I thought I was female at the time I first remembered it, but the sense I am getting now is that I was actually more genderfluid… hermaphroditic, even, but in a sense that I could be either or both as I chose. As I alluded to in the previous section, this makes me think of the Lis’tarii words Saikatar, Sainar, Senar, and Seneer and wonder a bit about whether there too is an example of a race where phenotype may not matter so much as the energy embodied by that form.
The energetic aspects of my dragon side are really making me sit up and take notice in a variety of ways. Memories are coming back to me of, rather than human conventions like handshakes to greet someone, coming up to someone and gently placing a hand/paw/talon (what’s the right word for what dragons have?) on their body at a focal point/chakra and exchanging energy. I believe a large part of the reasoning behind this custom was to establish bonds between all members of the society. I believe I also remember sexual acts being used for this purpose between close friends/family (not sure if the connotation at the moment is born-family or chosen-family or both) though I also recall that this use required the learning of more advanced energy control in a safe environment, and that such instruction was part of a young dragon’s education as they began to enter “adulthood” (I am not sure yet if this adulthood was full physical maturation or merely social independence… I suspect the latter. Possibly around the age they would take on an apprenticeship? Or the transition may be from apprentice to journeyman… not clear on that yet.)
Another thing I remember about us is that we were telepathic. Not like Saphira in Eragon… we could speak aloud, though we were probably also capable of mindspeech. This is more in the realm of being able to transfer knowledge/memories through energetic links like the ones used as greetings. I’m not yet sure if memories/knowledge could also be passed at a distance, though I suspect they could if there was need. It was probably less sure, though, and the effort involved at both ends would have been greater. I keep having a mental image of draconic minds/energies merging at times into some kind of overall linkage… the imagery of “The Great Link” of the Changelings from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine comes to mind somewhat, though I don’t think it involved physical forms. Another image that comes to mind is from Huna, wherein Aumakuas are believed at a certain level to join together into a great host of all Aumakuas. I believe there is related imagery in certain new-age and channeled texts, though I would be hard pressed to cite specifics.
Going back to the greeting I remember, I should mention something else that I only noticed since connecting with this side of myself: the trueform symbol on his website that Eyovah specifically charged to help with DRAGON awakenings (the red-background one) feels like that sort of greeting to me now. The regular generic otherkin one does not. It does make me wonder if the overall energetic nature of Krenar dragons had anything to do with Eyovah’s skill with Reiki, but at the same time I do not want to wrongly diminish the hard work and effort that he put in during this lifetime to become the healer he was.
Going back to my memories, I should touch a bit on one of the things most fundamental to dragons (IMHO): flight. One of the mysteries of dragon flight has always been how wings can lift a creature that large. I think I have a theory now: what if dragon wings don’t (just) push against the air? What if they interact with the energies of the world… the magnetosphere, for instance, as well as other more esoteric energies? What if they’re pushing off against not just air, but a veritable ocean of energies that surround us at all times? Perhaps even down to the fundamentals of space and time themselves? I suspect this is true. I believe I even have a visual memory of a dragon using their wings (and doing energywork through those wings) to open a temporary Gate for him or herself (I am not yet sure how to judge draconic gender at a distance from visual memories unless I specifically know the person or we are engaged in acts which would make such obvious.).
If you ever go see the movie Eragon, one of the most visually striking things for me was the use of a special effect to show Eragon “seeing with his dragon’s eyes”: in the movie this is mostly done to allow him to zoom in on things far away, and to have infrared vision during night battles. But something about it did strike me as almost right… I think that we had the ability to view things more as energy than as their physical makeup, if we chose to. It’s interesting to me that my memories of many things *in this life* tend to default to a kind of energetic/kinesthetic view than normal visual memories unless I make a special effort to recall physical forms. I remember the feel of someone, their energy and such, and their spatial relation to me far more readily than I do what they looked like or what they were wearing. Even with someone as close to me as Eyovah, for example, I have a far more distinct memory of the physical and energetic feeling of his hugs than I do of his face. So far there are exactly four people in my life whose hugs remind me of his, and at least one of them I know to have been from Krenar. 😉 Those hugs also remind me of the draconic greeting I recall, though somewhat toned down since the effect is spread out over a larger area rather than focused on a particular chakra.
I’m probably focusing too much on energetic stuff, so I’ll try to get a bit down about the physical/cultural things I remember… I remember us having something that I want to call a caste system, but I’m not sure that’s the right term. I don’t necessarily think it was something you were born into, though some things (like the royal line) were hereditary (I’m not sure these counted though, I think you could be of the royal line but still part of a different caste unless/until you actually became ruler). But I also don’t get the sense that people changed careers much, if at all. Once you took on a particular calling, I feel like you stayed with it. You might dabble at other things, even become quite good, but you were in a sense defined by your primary “career”. There was a somewhat distinct “warrior caste” for instance. I was not part of this, though I think at least one family member may have been. I think there may have been another caste working as diplomats/ambassador types, though the word that I currently think captures most of their feel is “Counselor”. I’m not sure yet if I was one of these, or something else. Most of my visual memories seem to involve me as a fairly young dragon (I, for instance, remember a portion of my training to learn better energy control for purposes of sex-bonding and as I indicated before I believe that was something of a rite of passage for young dragons as they grew up).
Other things I remember… walking along a ridge of mountains so tall they were brushing against the clouds. I believe a castle was ahead, nestled atop the spine of the mountains, giving the appearance of resting on the clouds. At the moment, I do not have memories of clouds solid enough to rest upon, though I have some sense of that being the case (with certain clouds, perhaps?)… which does make me wonder if Krenar is entirely as physical as it appears, or if it too is a physical manifestation of energy. I do remember the multicolored clouds/sky, but I’ve also heard Eyovah and others speak of that many times, so it’s possible my memories have been influenced by that. I should note that I will try to indicate wherever I believe I remember something that I have previously been told, in an effort to keep those memories somewhat separated from the things I have remembered without such prompting.
As for what my dragon self looks like, I haven’t been able to figure that out yet. I feel the form, but I’m looking out of its eyes and not at a reflection of myself in any of the memories I currently have. I feel wings, a tail… in the most vivid memory I have, I was in a quadrupedal position, but in other memories I seem to have arms and been walking upright. As I said, I believe our forms were rather fluid. I remember blue scales… not a sky blue, but not a truly dark blue either like Saphira (in the movie)… I have a stone at home that seems almost the right color, blue quartz. (Stone depicted is not the one I have, but similar enough.) I feel a tail. I’m not sure what else… possibly horns of some sort, though that may be bleedover from some of my other forms/lives.
I think that’s all I can parse out for the moment (with some details held back in parts for verification purposes when comparing memories). There’s more, I feel like a lot more, but it’s like it all got downloaded into my head with no index and a lot of it still compressed. That’s fairly common for memory floods with me, though, and it usually turns out that I remember more than I’m consciously aware of, because a lot of things I just “know” with little reference if any to where or how I learned it in that life.
So… thoughts? *grins*